How to support your pregnant friend or relatives
Being on the sides lines watching a loved one go through pregnancy, birth and after birth can be a mixture of excitement, potentially feeling unsure of how to be helpful and where to even begin.
If you have been wanting to help in some way but not sure where to start you can start with these tips. Remember these are guides as your family or friend knows what they need in most situations, or they won’t know till they are in it. This is where having some of this information will hopefully trigger you to bring in some useful acts of support or tools, and support curiosity and self inquiry for your loved one to find what they need to feel supported.
Pregnancy
Help complete any jobs around the house to prepare for baby. E.g. washing baby clothes, folding away.
Researching topics and presenting information in bite sized chunks to reduce the mental load of decision making fatigue.
Offer a listening ear with the intention of validating emotions, not to always solve problems. Offer at the end of their share “do you want validation or advice?”. Feeling seen and heard goes a long way.
Prepare a Meal Train or Give With Gravy for other friends and family members to contribute to the support of your pregnant loved one. E.g. Organise a food drop off system where people cook a dish, and drop it off at their door using Meal Train, or Give With Gravy to gather money to go towards cleaners, doulas, meal deliveries, pelvic floor health appointments, massage therapists, whatever service that will support them.
Encourage them to learn more about breastfeeding through education classes outside the hospital. It’s a skill and not instinctual to everyone. Building intuition requires lived experience whether its observed or through practice.
Suggest they make a postpartum plan so they feel confident for after birth support and beyond.
Postpartum
Bring fresh warm easy to digest meals, think slow cooked dishes, soups, stews, ideally with protein (animal or plant based) and variety of vegetables. Serve a portion warmed and hold baby whilst your loved one eats. Ask if Mum would like baby back after eating. Breastfeeding takes double the energy to create milk, than growing a baby.
Ensure water bottle is topped up so Mum is hydrated. Breastfeeding is thirsty work.
Change the bed sheets. Nothing like a bed reset to get Mum feeling loved on.
Offer to buy groceries on the way to a visit.
Encourage her to rest, and not to host you. She needs to be horizontal as much as possible in the first month. Reassure her you can make your own cup of tea and can do jobs while you listen to her about her birth story, or how her day and night was.
Check in with her how she is really going. Postpartum Depression on average happens 4 years postpartum. Where as PTSD from birth can surface 12 weeks postpartum.
Postpartum Depletion happens on a scale. Being tired and not eating well is on the low end, severe depression is on the other spectrum. To understand the experience of Postnatal Depletion you can explore Dr Oscar Serralach’s book. He coined the term Postnatal Depletion and it has been a great tool to support new parents to feel better supported and nourished. It’s an invaluable resource for anyone supporting a new family and for the family themselves.
Understand that postpartum recovery takes longer than a couple of weeks. Moving slow and staying warm, aids the healing and recovery after birth. In ancient traditions, there is a staying in period where the mother does nothing but tend to feeding baby, and resting. All whilst she is fed and the house is taken care of by her family members including parents, in-laws, relatives. You can research online to find out more. Perhaps your culture has some traditions!
This is a good start! If you are interested in gifting a doula session with me, you can check out my Gift For New Parents session which is perfect for some loving support and is a taster of what I offer in my larger offerings. Simply scroll down to the bottom and you will find it. Otherwise you can book a complimentary call or email me. I am very happy to answer any questions about my offerings.
You’ve got the love it takes to make a new mum feel loved.
Definitions
Postpartum: after birth for the mother.
Postnatal: after birth for the baby.
